Satisfaction guaranteed?

Collar-label making process

Originally uploaded by Stephanie Booth

I have a new idea for organising my classes.

They’re currently mixed ability, which means I sometime have very bright students mixed in with less able students, and this makes things confusing, so I propose putting them into 4 groups.

I’ll have one group on the Outstanding table, where the best, the brightest (and the well dressed) can be quickly identified. I’ll also make sure I put a big sign on the table, so all the other students know who they need to emulate.

On the next table will be the Good students. Those who are doing pretty well, but could do better. If they work hard, they might move up to the Outstanding table, but I’ll have to lay down the law and threaten them with possible relegation to the Satisfactory table.

Actually, no. We’ll call it the Requires Improvement table. If I judge they’re not up to snuff, they’ll be plonked here and given a good going over. They’ll be told in no uncertain terms that if they’re stuck on this table for more than two cycles then that’s it – we’ll be looking to throw them straight down to the Unsatisfactory table (otherwise we’ll run out of room to put all those kids from the Good table who are coasting!).

Finally we have the unsatisfactory table. I don’t care if their social background is an issue, I don’t care if previous students have left their table in a mess – if they’re not sorting themselves out good and quick then it’s out on their ear and we’ll have to hire a whole new cohort of students to see if they can do better!

You see it’s all about choice, really. If I’m asking a question, I want to make sure I’m well informed as to who is who. I wouldn’t want to ask the wrong kind of kid!

Wait… what? What do you mean there’s a free table over there where the kids can pick their own curriculum and choose their own school hours?

Oh, I give up…

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